WINTER

What better season than Winter to reflect my most challenging emotional pattern? ;) As I worked to create an intensely personal set of songs, I knew this one would come out. But I wasn't sure exactly how it would come out. And in a way, it surprised me because I learned something from even just writing it and playing it a few times.

In the simplest terms, I have a very strong tendency to take on responsibility for others, and to desperately want others to rely on me. In my relationships and friendships, this has caused all kinds of dynamics -- from me giving into a form of coercive control to me having to learn how to be a good friend through talking rather than listening. 

At times, I haven't even been aware of what was happening (see: "I just realized that you broke my heart"), and it's taken me my whole adult life to learn how to both understand my own needs and to voice them (the line "when something's so sweet, don't we know how to treat it?" is written as a question intentionally).

The process of writing music is often illuminating. In the case of this song, after playing it a few times, I realized something. It was that the primary line in this song represented not only my deepest desire in relationships, but also something I was pleading to myself. I was once told that contentment is learning to be safe with yourself, so no matter where you go you feel at home and loved. I'm getting there.

WINTER

I come with a softness
Like fleece-covered glass to you
And it's always me who breaks the silence

Can't stop the urge 
To cradle your emptiness
I love the caress but I forget
I'm empty too

I wish you'd see me as a safe place

I just realized that you broke my heart
I'll show you the pieces
You'll know that it's okay

I'll heal in the ocean
We'll end up together again
Cause when something's so sweet
Don't we know how to treat it?

I wish you'd see me as a safe place
I wish you'd see me as a safe place